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Author Archive for Gerard

Critical Voice In Your Head

The critical voice in your head telling you whether you are succeeding or failing at things is actually pretty stupid. It sounds smart, acts confident, and pretends to be an expert.  However, it hasn’t actually done any of the things it is criticizing you about. It has no expertise in learning the skill, or in […]

Social Anxiety from Unconscious Beliefs

Most of your emotions arise from unconscious beliefs. In this podcast I describe a process to dig into the layers of your unconscious beliefs, and release the emotional beliefs trapped there. A man shares what he discovers as the source of his social anxiety that  began when he was in 3rd grade. You can use […]

Origin of Ego and False Beliefs of Identity

Ego and the False Beliefs of Identity What are the false beliefs that form our Ego?  Where do our false beliefs come from?  When did we begin to get these false beliefs o our identity and lose touch with our authentic self? What is our identity when we shed our mind’s version of who we […]

How Do You Recognize The Truth?

How can you tell if something is truthful or if it is a lie? From a consciousness perspective, even statements that are factual are still not the Truth. Words are what we use to describe a thing, or facts. But words are not the thing itself. The words used to describe a chair are not […]

Why Lie To Your Self?

Lying to your self can cause a response in the reasoning part of your brain that makes you feel good. Sometimes people confuse this good feeling with being right, or feeling that they have just agreed with an explanation that is truthful. Sometimes people are relieved from their “need to know” or a feeling of […]

Self Loathing

Self Loathing is a strong hatred towards oneself.  You will also find with it a lot of internal thoughts of criticism and self judgment.  Underneath that there will be a layer of beliefs relating to worthlessness.  This layer of beliefs about being bad, unworthy, or inferior somehow justifies the emotional punishment of hate and anger […]

Unconscious Beliefs

Unconscious beliefs are agreements we have in our mind that we have no awareness we are holding.  In spite of not having any intellectual knowledge of our own beliefs, they can still cause us to have emotional reactions and sabotaging behaviors.  Often these beliefs are formed early in our life, either through a strong emotional […]

Personal Power and Responsibility

When you take responsibility for your life, you also accept a power over it. Taking responsibility for the good stuff is easy, it is the not so good stuff that feels uncomfortable. But this is what you want the power to change. When you are in the expression of blame, you personify a victim attitude […]

Anxiety – Understanding it Differently

Attempts to overcoming or at least reduce anxiety tend to fail.  Perhaps our efforts fail because we are applying the wrong understanding, and therefore the wrong model for changing it.  Anxiety isn’t the kind of thing that responds to our intellect. That is why very intelligent and highly educated individuals often are susceptible to issues […]

Becoming the Observer

Becoming the Observer – Mindfulness Practice Becoming the observer requires that we do it in a neutral witness manner.  It is not enough to just think about our self, any egotistical person can do that. If this were the case, the narcissist would be very self-aware when this is actually furthest from the truth.  When […]

Reality, Projections, and Illusions

How much does our mind project into what we see and distort our perception of things?  Is it possible to know the truth about things? What is reality? What is Illusion?  All these questions first require that we understand perception.  When we begin to understand how we perceive the world, or our self, we become […]

Affirmations Can Backfire

Sometimes people get poor results with affirmations. When they say positive things about themselves the dialogue of thoughts in their head pushes back with harsh negative comments. Those harsh criticisms cause them to feel more negative emotions than were produced with the positive affirmations.  The overall result of the affirmation process is to end up […]

The Hero’s Journey

The Hero’s Journey was outlined to me through the works of  Joseph Campbell years ago. It is the classic tale often told through movies and stories going back to The Odyssey Homer and many modern versions including Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and The Matrix. It’s appeal is that it represents our […]

Persistence and Resistance

Jamie is one of the most persistent people at doing personal change work that I know.  She is also resists change, happiness, and unconditional love more than just about anyone I know.  What does resistance look like and how do you navigate around it to make changes in your self?  In this interview you have […]

Overcoming Insecurity

Overcoming Insecurity and Creating Confidence Attempts to develop confidence often fail because they revolve around projecting a positive self image or achieving success.  Unfortunately these two things don’t eliminate other beliefs causing feelings of insecurity.  To Overcome the feeling of insecurity effectively it is necessary to identify and eliminate the beliefs that generate feelings of […]

Stop Beating Your Self Up

Due to an internal dialog of negative thoughts you can really beat your self up.  If the self berating thoughts are strong enough it can induce feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness, and even depression.  People often try to remedy this by willing their negative thoughts to stop.  I’ve never seen this work, and with very good […]

Meditation for Beginners

This simple meditation lets anyone begin to enter into a state of mindfulness using a very common sense practical approach. What our mind construes as a deeply mystical thing like meditation doesn’t have to be so esoteric. Meditation for Beginners free mp3 audio 37 minutes This free audio explains a simple way to begin using […]

Self Awareness and Mindfulness

Understanding how your mind creates emotional reactions is key to making personal change.  This understanding of the mind is done through mindfulness, also know as Self Awareness.  In a basic level of awareness you might notice how someone’s mood changes.  A deeper level of awareness allows you notice your own mood, and how it affects […]

What is a Belief?

A belief begins as a conceptual idea in our mind.  Then our imagination turns it into something like a dream, or virtual reality.  A belief, particularly a false belief, has the capacity to create an illusion in our imagination that seems like reality.  We then react to that illusion emotionally as if it were real. […]

Self Mastery Course Results Interview

David served in the Army and National Guard. After responding to the World Trade Center and Afghanistan he came home and discovered that his emotional reactions were out of control and inappropriate. In this interview he shares how the Self Mastery course has helped him. Interview David about the Self Mastery Course Experience Podcast Audio […]

Confusion about Love, Compassion, Hope, Integrity, and Loyalty

Love, Compassion, Hope, Integrity, and Loyalty are the subject of this audio.  This is an excerpt from a talk I gave at a Spiritual Retreat in 2010.  Our mind has the ability to imagine in a myriad of ways.  Because of this it also has the ability to distort, confuse, create chaos, and emotional drama […]

Anger Management

I don’t think we should just manage our anger.  I believe in eliminating anger.  Trying to control triggers, circumstances, and other people so we don’t become angry is too much work. It is much easier to identify and change the core beliefs causing our anger.  In this free audio podcast I outline what the process […]

Sexual Performance Anxiety

Sexual performance anxiety can cause a lot of stress in a relationhip. It creates guilt, shame, and  fears, that corrupt the emotional connection and can lead to and disconnection. In this podcast I outline what goes on in a man’s head and some of the core beliefs at the root of the issue. Sexual Performance […]

Spiritual Journey Interview

Carolyn shares her experience on the 7 day Spiritual Intensive she took with me to Teotihuacan Mexico.   She discovers what it is like to shed fear based self judgments from her childhood and embrace the experience of unconditional love.  It’s no longer an intellectual idea that she reads about in books. It is a […]

Inception and the Life of an Idea in the Mind

The Inception of an Idea.  The idea that ideas are alive has been around a long time.  Careful observation reveals that  ideas, thoughts, and beliefs behave as if they are alive in the mind.  When ideas grow and link together with other ideas they become big stories and can have multiple points of view and […]

The Most Important Thing For Your Happiness

The process of overcoming fears, identifying and changing core beliefs, dealing with emotions, meditation, being present with your emotions, and all the other myriad of steps you can take towards living a happy and fulfilling life can be overwhelming.  So sometimes it helps to take a step back and have a sense of humor about […]

Miguel Ruiz and The Fifth Agreement

Interview with Miguel Ruiz about The Fifth Agreement in this mp3 audio podcast. Don Miguel Ruiz talks about the book, The Fifth Agreement.  It is a follow up and completes the teachings he started in The Four Agreements.  In this interview he talks about how the belief system of the creates a virtual reality, Judgment […]

Overcoming Anger Using the Self Mastery Program

I interviewed Joe who used the Self Mastery course to overcome his anger and anxiety reactions.  He’s started to be aware that some of his emotional reactions are completely gone  At other times he finds it enjoyable to experience emotions that used to be unpleasant.    He’s still working towards emotional mastery but is well on […]

Faith: The Power Behind Your Beliefs

Faith is more than a set of beliefs there is no evidence for or a doctrine of religious beliefs.  Faith is a force.  It is an aspect of your personal will power that you can use in various ways.  One way to use the power of your faith is to invest it in conceptual ideas.  […]

Conscious Awakening

Waking up to the unconscious beliefs in your mind is an unconfortable and disconcernting realization.  Realizing your unconscious beliefs have been leading you in a dream world of unnecessary emotional reactions, and sabotaging behaviors, all based on illusions in the mind is confusing and we often react with judgment and denial.  It can also create […]

Reasoning Your Way Out of Fear

Most fears are not rational.  When we apply some skilled common sense and awareness to them we can detach.  However applying reasoning skills to overcoming fears is an uphill battle.  That’s because the emotions we feel push us against accepting truthful reasoning.    That’s because our fictional, or false beliefs often make us feel better […]

Overcoming Fear of What Others Think of You

There is a structure of beliefs that support the fear of what others think of you. When you dismantle these beliefs, your fear dissipates, as well as the internal dialog that it drives. In this podcast I guide you through some of the resistance you will probably find when you attempt to overcome your fears. […]

Overcoming Controlling Behavior of Jealousy and Anger

David started the Self Mastery audio program because he discovered some things about himself that he didn’t like.  It was principally the emotions and behaviors of jealousy, anger, and being controlling in relationships.   He had been doing it for more than 25 years but was not aware of it.  It was difficult to see himself […]

Fear and Origins of the Financial Crisis

I cover how to use awareness to break free of fearful resistance to taking action.   Jut for fun I also get into understanding origins of the financial crisis.   Credit default swaps, lobbying by banks to lower their equity reserve requirements, and speculation  is not what caused the financial bubble and subsequent meltdown.  These changes in […]

Dealing With Financial Fears

Dealing with and overcoming financial fears isn’t a one step process. Those fears can be intertwined with real survival needs for the body like food, shelter, and providing for your children. Financial fears can also be from projected scenarios in the imagination that have nothing to do with reality. The imagination is a big source […]

Change Your Life – Interview

You can change your life, but first you have to change your beliefs.  Beliefs are those mental constructs that drive our emotions of fear, and sabotaging behavior.  In this interview I follow up with Holly who I interviewed in early 2007.  She has continued to practice the exercises in the Self Mastery program, and added […]

Fear Doctrine: The Creation of Anger and Agression

Fear is at the core of anger and aggression.  Yet we become so busy with the strategy of control and the act of aggression we rarely see the cause.   We can see the emotional dynamic at work whether we look at our internal thoughts, relationships, or the macro relationships of countries.   The basis if […]

The Value of a Spiritual Teacher or Mentor

If the emotional quality of your life and relationships were solely dependent on how smart you were then you wouldn’t need a teacher.  But that isn’t the case.  A book can’t teach or model for you self acceptance, respect, love, or gratitude.   Being happy in this chaotic world isn’t based on how smart you are.  […]

Understanding the Spiritual Journey

All self help, personal development, growth, and self awareness work is part of the Spiritual Journey. That’s because Spirit Means Life. And all of these endeavors should have an intent to facilitate greater happiness in your life. The mystery of the Spiritual Journey is that it happens within in the realm of your perceptions, mind, […]

Changing Habits and Overcoming Addictions

Overcoming Addictions and Changing Habits People attempt to change a habit or addiction by going cold turkey. This often raises the expectation too high and can set a person up for failure if they don’t yet have a lot of personal power or discipline. The result is failing and self judgment. That can lead to […]

Self Judgment

Self Judgment is the most common type of abuse. It’s self abuse. No one is more critical of you than the voice in your head. If anyone else talked to you the way the Judge in your mind spoke to you, you would fight back, or walk away from them. We can’t stop what other […]

Faith and Personal Power

The Importance of Keeping Your Faith What is Faith? What is a Belief? What is the relationship between your emotions and what you believe? Do thoughts have power? Why it’s not that important to stop your negative thoughts. How can you recover your personal power? How do you heal a broken heart? These are all […]

Finding Your Self

Finding your Self or figuring out who you are is one of those eternal questions. We often struggle with it as teenagers, then again in our thirties, or during a mid life crisis. The struggle to know thy Self is as old as spiritual traditions that attempted to answer the question. Listen to this Finding […]

Free Will

Do you have free will? Is there even such a thing as Free Will? It is true that we are to some degree products of our environment. Our minds get filled with ideas, beliefs, and emotional patterns as we grow up. We are socialized to become a collection of habits and behavior that correspond to […]

How to Tell If a Relationship Will Work

How can you tell if a relationship will work out? There are specific indicators to tell if your relationship will run into trouble down the road. The signs aren’t found in how much love, romance, or physical attraction there is. Two people can have great chemistry but still not be compatible. How to tell if […]

Don’t Take Anything Personally

How to Not Take Things Personally In the book, The Four Agreements, Miguel Ruiz outlines a code of conduct for creating love and happiness in your life. One of his Four Agreements is “Don’t Take Anything Personally. In this podcast I describe some of the hidden assumptions that cause us to take things personally. I […]

The Ego Mind and Consciousness

In a Four Agreements workshop I shared a model for understanding consciousness and the ego mind. I recorded the workshop and part of it makes up this mp3 audio podcast. Understanding the ego mind and understanding consciousness means becoming aware of the way our mind dreams. The ego mind has more than just thoughts and […]

Can You Change Your Life

I often get asked if people can really change their life. They want to known if they can overcome fears, stop the judgments, and quiet the voice in their head.  The answer is yes. However, when people ask, they usually ask with such fear and doubt that almost no amount of words will suffice.  Perhaps […]

Fear of Love and Happiness

It might be hard to believe that we fear love and happiness, but it is a real dynamic that happens in the mind.  It is easier to understand if we consider the mind to be a living being with many different aspects.  If we attempt to change our beliefs and behavior, then we are making […]

Fear and Overcoming Fear

Overcome fear by gaining mastery over your core beliefs. Fear is that emotional force that drives us in a direction away from joy, happiness, and love.  Fear can paralyze us to the point that we feel helpless and suffocated.  Often fear appears irrational, but it only looks this way at the surface.  When you scrutinize the […]

Identify and Change Core Beliefs

What are core beliefs and how do you identify them? That’s what many people are realizing they need to do to change their emotional reactions. The problem is where do you look to find core beliefs? They are in the mind but can be hard to pin down, particularly when it is the mind that […]

Impeccability and Gossip

Ask Gary   Gary, A friend of mine, Alice, broke up with her boyfriend. When I talked to another friend on the phone (she also knows Alice) I told her that Alice and her boyfriend broke up. Of course I asked myself the question: why am I sharing this info with my friend?   Would this […]

Love Relationships Part II

Understanding Conflicting Desires Our body has physical desires, our emotions have a desire to express love, and our mind has a desire to have its beliefs and expectations met.  This can create some internal conflict that gets more complicated when we add another person’s desires to the mix.  The desires from the body and emotions are natural […]

Love Relationships Part I

Understanding Desire and Yearning in Relationships Desires for a relationship come from deep within us.  They aren’t desires for a specific person so much as a need for expression and experience of connection and feeling that we can have with another person.  Those desires include the emotion of love, physical affection, and sexual satisfaction.  It […]

Relationship with Your Body

An audio course subscriber who had dissolved many of her beliefs about her body, and her body image wrote in with the following question.  Dear Gary, How do you care enough about your body in order for it to be healthy, without getting too stressed about it? Dear M, TREAT YOUR BODY LIKE A DOG! Treat […]

Can Money Buy Happiness?

Money can buy comforts and our comforts can help keep the mind distracted from fears that eat away at our happiness.   Money doesn’t buy happiness.  Happiness is an emotional state.  From one point of view inanimate objects can’t create emotions within us.  The things money can buy does allow us to occupy our mind with things that we […]

Power Control Fear and Freedom

Inspired by Tim Boucher’s blog article on fear and power and way too much time in front of the computer screen.   I’ve observed that many people who seek power do so out of self created fear.  Their mind drives scenarios of misfortune.  Without awareness, they invest belief in their imagined stories and create fear.  Their […]

Controlling Relationships

Dear Gary, In a situation like the one I am going through (overcoming jealous and controlling behavior that is alienating my partner), how do you avoid overcorrecting too far the other way. You want to avoid being passive aggressive so you hold back on what you say and do. But you don’t want to become […]

Happiness As Choice

Most people spend their whole lives looking for some measure of happiness. Why is it so elusive?  What creates happiness?  People will tell you that material things or other people won’t make you happy.  Experts will advise you that in order to be happy you first have to make yourself happy. What they usually can’t […]

Emotional Reactions

When it comes to stopping or changing emotional reactions people often approach the problem like they are fixing a car.  They ask, “How can I change this reaction?” or “How can I stop my jealousy, anger, frustration etc.”  The assumption seems to be that if we change one thing the whole problem will go away.  […]

The Law of Attraction Beliefs and Thoughts

I had a few thoughts on a post Steve Pavlina wrote about the Law of Attraction.  I look at it a little differently.  Maybe it is really the same but I am interpreting the words differently.  This is always a difficulty with language, particularly with written words.  Steve writes: “The Law of Attraction simply says that […]

The Four Agreements and Hidden Assumptions

Of don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements most people will say that the hardest one to keep is Don’t Take Anything Personally.  I don’t agree.  The most challenging agreement is actually Be Impeccable with Your Word.  In taking something personal you take what someone said and express an interpretation that makes it personal.  We invest our faith in the […]

Feeling Not Good Enough – Beliefs

I wrote an article about feeling not good enough. It relates to issues of insecurity. A big component of feeling insecure is the image of perfection that we create in our mind. When the voice in our head compares us to that image of perfection it concludes that we are not good enough. Buying into […]

Empowerment Programs and Claims to Empower People

There are many programs and organizations that describe what they do as empowering people.  Empowerment of people might even be in their mission statement.  This is common language among personal development and personal growth organizations.  The idea is appealing, and the organizations probably do good work.  However be aware that there is a hidden sabotaging message […]

Judge and Victim Stories in the Mind

Hi Gary, After doing the first couple exercises that you gave us I begin to see the whole (or part of) judge-victim story. Man, how many judges and victims are there?  It is a bit overwhelming sometimes. So, my question is; is it ‘normal’ to feel a bit powerless, to think that there are just […]

Stop Thinking about Thinking

I happened upon a website called Pop Occulture which is no longer active. It is a blog by Tim Boucher. I liked the article he wrote on overcoming thought addiction. That’s when your mind won’t stop making commentary. And when your mind becomes aware of what it is doing it makes comments about all the […]

The Word “God” in Prayer

Dear Gary, After reading the articles on your website (very inspiring by the way).  (early website  I don’t know which article she was reading.)    I was wondering how you would describe the concept of ‘God’. I find myself struggling with the meaning and the word ‘God’. For me the word God is associated with […]

Respect in Relationships

Gary, My lover consistently takes actions I feel are disrespectful and my reaction is that my desire to do loving things for her (sweet talk, flowers, even regular conversation) decreases dramatically. Q1 How do you determine whether you are withholding your love or preferring not to be disrespected? Curiously, JS The reply to this question […]

The Truth Doesn’t Hurt

It is sometimes said that the truth hurts.   This isn’t my experience. Often there is a pain that comes with a truthful realization, but the hurt isn’t from the truth.  The pain is from the shattering of our illusions in the mind.  There is literally an energetic field of energy that breaks ups when […]

 

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