Self Mastery

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Recapitulation is a breathwork process for releasing the emotions, energy, negative self talk, and beliefs. It is a method for freeing yourself from the emotional baggage you collected in your past. In the recapitulation process you visit emotional memories stored in your mind, discharge their energy, and build new neural pathways so your mind works in a healthier way. Through Recapitulation practices you will reduce and possibly eliminate negative self talk and emotional reactions. In the process you recover tremendous amounts of personal power that allows you to change habits and behaviors in your life.

Changing Memories and Stored Emotions that Cause Reactions

Emotional forces in your memories can activate to create feelings that are often unconscious to you. That “look” from your spouse, can activate feelings related to experiences from childhood. At times you may be aware of the feelings, but not aware they are arising from your unconscious memories, or which memories. You won’t know that what you are feeling today is because your mind has associated it to a past event. All you know is that you have activated something in mind and feel those uncomfortable feelings. Only sometimes will you consciously know what your mind is reminding you of from the past.

Memories exist as a system of neuron patterns firing in the brain. Science has shown that memories are not fixed. The neural patterns that fire related to a memory can and do change over time, but not always. With Recapitulation you consciously change the neural pattern of the memory in a way that removes the emotion, changes the perspective, and even changes the beliefs that were created at that time.

An example of how a memory can change is when something that was embarrassing at the time, becomes something funny that you laugh about later. Another example is when you forgive someone. You change the emotion related to an even and that person, as well as how you interpret that event form then on. Something or someone that was a painful memory becomes something you are at peace with. The Recapitulation process works to accomplish these types of changes. In the Recapitulation process you heal the emotions from events that you remember. You will also find that you can access many forgotten memories into your conscious awareness to be emotionally healed as well.

Healing Your “Emotional Baggage

If you have had a painful relationship breakup or rejection experience (pretty much everyone has by the time they are an adult) it is possible you are feeling those emotions again and again years later. That neural pattern is wired into your brain to fire off those same emotions when you think of that event, that person, or that time in your life. Your mind can also fire those same patterns when you think of things that relate to that experience.

Having this emotion and neural pattern in your brain can be an issue later in your life in other relationships. The impact is that you are going to consciously, or unconsciously avoid similar situations related to that pain. You may become uncomfortable about relationship issues, such as, asking someone out, accepting an invitation to a date, becoming committed, or opening up emotionally. You may get nervous about becoming monogamous, moving in together, or marriage. These feelings aren’t necessarily from the current situation. They may be due to your mind taking past experiences and projecting those emotions into your current situation. The Recapitulation process can help you clear your emotional history of baggage so you have a clearer head, make better decisions, feel better about the decisions you make, and live a happier life.

Emotions Combine To Build Limiting Beliefs

Along with the emotional patterns in the brain, the Recapitulation process can be used to release limiting beliefs created in the past. Emotions can combine with ideas about yourself, other people, and the world to form beliefs. The beliefs you create during times of negative emotions are often false, limiting, and remain at work in your unconscious affecting other areas of your life for years. These beliefs then produce negative emotions and thoughts in your mind years later such as: “no one is there for me”, “I can’t trust…”, “I’m not lovable…”, “They will leave…”. This is just one example of the emotional history and belief systems that Recapitulation process can help clear up.

Clearing One Event, or Your Whole Past

We have all had numerous emotional events in our life that have altered our emotional response, decision making, and behavior. In the process we react, wear masks, or put on armor over our emotions. This isn’t necessary if you free yourself from the emotional baggage from your past.
Recapitulation is the use of focused energy and intent on these past events to unwind and release the emotions stored in your body and mind. In the process you change your memories, so they are no longer painful events. You still remember the event, but without the painful emotions, or interpretation and perspectives of judgment, victimization. Recapitulation has the impact of changing the neural patterns in your brain, so you will think better thoughts, perceive different outcomes, and feel comfortable about decisions and situations that would have bothered you in the past.

The process of Recapitulation involves some simple breathing patterns and focus of your attention while mindfully reviewing events of your past. It typically is done while comfortably laying down. Once you learn the process you can effectively use it while commuting in your car, in a meeting, or even in a conversation. Once proficient, you can even use the technique to help you relax in a meeting at work or to change the direction of a conversation while discussing an issue with your relationship partner.

By clearing the emotional history from your memories and belief system you will be more relaxed, present, and focused. Old patterns of reacting emotionally, negative thoughts, or self-judgments are reduced, and in some cases eliminated. Consider what changes this would have to your life, and if the effort to live in a more relaxed, healthier, and happier way will be worth it to you.

You can purchase the Recapitulation audios from the membership area. The mp3 audios are then available to download and listen to at your convenience. There are eight sessions. The first four break down breath-work and releasing processes into basics for you to build on. The next four sessions consist of guided practices that help you integrate the Recapitulation process into an effective tool for personal change.

Seeking Unconditional Love

The Spiritual Journey is for you if you are serious about increasing the amount love and happiness in your lives.

Coming to the Spiritual Retreat in Mexico is like coming home to a place you belong. The unconditional acceptance and love is a warm welcoming that keeps giving long after you leave. It isn’t just the consciousness opening experience of what was once a great Spiritual University, but it is the heart opening experiences with others as well. 

How could traveling to a foreign country and walking around ancient ruins make you feel at home? “Home” is a feeling. It is a feeling of being completely accepted just the way you are. Through various contemplative meditations and ceremonies, you work your way into a state of consciousness where the voice of the inner critic doesn’t exist. You also grow a feeling of love and acceptance with others that allows you to drop the worries about what others think of you.

Nobody cares about what you have done in your life, or what you haven’t done. We don’t care about what happened to you in the past as it doesn’t determine your value or worth. We only care that you leave it behind in a process of letting go so you can be present with who you are now. We care about whether you are happy, feeling love, and self-acceptance. And we care about doing things that purge out the fear, false beliefs, and judgments that interfere with an internal state of happiness. 

I noticed that when I left home and went to college that there were many groups that I could join. There was a catch though, I could belong if I believed what they believed. I had to do the things they did. To be a part of a community I had to give up my identity, the right and ability to think and freely choose. I had to accept their value system, interpretations, and perspective, and then they would accept me and be my friend. It was on a Spiritual Journey such as the one to Teotihuacan that I discovered that I could be accepting of myself just the way I was, and that I could accept others just the way they were as well. 

I have taken that feeling from those journeys and brought it inward and grown it. I’ve since come to feel I belong in the world without having to subjugate myself to someone else’s opinions. You get to be you, and you have every right to feel you belong in this world just the way you are. It is this sense of peace and calm in oneself that we all seek, and when we find it we feel we are home. This is the feeling inside of you that the Spiritual Journey to Teotihuacan brings out in you. You all have it inside you, just buried in various layers of fog. In these Journeys we have ways of uncovering that fog and bring out the Unconditional Love.


When you create or find, that sense of peace within yourself you no longer worry about finding the right person. You no longer worry about losing the partner you have and being alone. You have a sense of peace and calm with yourself that allows you to be happy with you. In the ceremonies in Teotihuacan we shed the beliefs and fears that interfere with feeling peaceful self-acceptance. 

We do a lot of hard work clearing away our false beliefs, emotional reactions, negative thinking, and sabotaging behaviors. We have a strong intent, and a good track record that you will be a changed person when you board the airplane headed back home. It’s just that we aren’t hard on ourselves as we do it. A compassionate accepting environment allows us to get it all done, gently, and fast. We also balance out the hard work with bountiful amounts of tasty and healthy food, friendship, laughter, and play.

Consider taking a Journey inward and finding the Love that makes you feel at home with yourself. 

I hope to see you there.

Teotihuacan Retreat Intensive 

Conditional Love

How We Learned to Love  Conditionally

I’m going to assume you had well adjusted parents. If you didn’t, then just amplify the impact of what you are reading here by the amount of extra drama growing up. Your parents, even if well adjusted, had two important roles in your childhood. They loved you and wanted you to know that you were loved, no matter what, unconditionally. It’s an important component of being happy.  Except the second role they played in your childhood would interfere with this understanding. Your parents had to prepare you for the real world. They had to teach you to be responsible, respectful, follow the rules of the household so that you would follow the laws of society. All of this is necessary for you to be responsible, take care of your self, and others, so that you can have a fulfilling life. This meant that you learned to act upon consequences of punishments and rewards.  In short, you learned conditional love, acceptance, and approval of yourself in the process. When your parents punished you, your experience of their love was that it was conditional. From this, it is likely your whole experience of love became skewed. Love, acceptance, and approval became something that you had to earn.

So let this sink in for a bit. Your primary relationships, your first bonds with other humans are based on the patterns you learn from your parents. You learn that they love you, and that included in that relationship that they can also be disappointed, frustrated, annoyed, angry and dismissive of you. Your experience of “love” includes all these other emotions.

They love you if you do what they want. They shame, guilt, reject, or punish you if you don’t follow their rules. You learn to condition your behavior to appease their emotions and beliefs. You learn to watch their facial expressions for any sign that they will give you “that look”, or any other bit of negative attention. You learn, until it is unconscious and automatic, to try to appease them and make them happy. You learn that if you follow their emotional conditioning that you will get loved. You learn that if you violate their protocols, that you will get some negative emotions of rejection. You learn that you don’t feel good about yourself, unless you have acted in a way that makes them feel good first. You condition yourself to please them as a means to gain a feeling of self-worth, happiness, and love.

In the Self Mastery Course you will discover this  leads to the development of the sub-personality that I call the “Pleaser”, which we identify and dismantle.

Your Mind Begins to “Self Parent” your behavior with it’s own Voices.

Over time growing up a part of your brain is continually reminding you to behave in a way that they would approve of and avoid doing things that they will get upset about. When doing something new, you run it through an imaginary scenario of how your parents will react IF, or WHEN, they find out. Your imagined scenario gives you a sense of whether they will feel good about it, or bad about it. You imagine your response to their response. Your mind and nervous system creates the emotions that you would feel based on your “Imagined Parents”. This feeling tells you whether it is a good idea, or bad idea. You condition your emotions to be created as a response to the minds movie of your “imagined parents.”

Over time, you no longer see your “imagined parents” in the emotion creation process, as these elements become absorbed into your unconscious mind and become invisible to you. What you are left with is a “feeling” about doing certain things that unconsciously guides your choices.

Your “Imagined Parent’s” circuit in your neural pathways is established early in your life, and runs autonomously in the background by the time you leave the house.  It becomes so automatic, and you are so used to it as part of your thought process, that you probably don’t notice it.  Your unconscious belief system is helping you follow many behaviors and make decisions without you being aware of it.

Even if your parents were very unconditionally loving there were the influences. Childhood friends give you signals that you are cool and accepted, or the make fun of you. We know kids can be pretty mean in making fun of each other. We try to wear the “right’ clothes, what to say, what to avoid and how to act “cool” so we don’t get made fun of. We want approval and we fear rejection. Over years, your behaviors become unconsciously automatic to get along. You are approved of and accepted of by these friends based on these conditions.

In many ways this can be very useful and helpful. The world is a complex and busy place, and we need some automated protocols to make choices in navigating life. This can all work well if the patterns in place are based in reality, and love.

The fundamental problem is that these neural patterns that produce thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, are all giving you the message that being loved is conditional.

You no longer need your parents to tell you if you have been good, bad, right, or wrong. Your internal “Parental Belief System” is giving you this information all during the day. It can take the form of emotions you feel, or it can be the internal dialog in your head. It comments about how great you are, but more likely you notice the negative thoughts, as they stand out more. Those negative thoughts tell you, “I’m not doing enough, I should be working harder, I’m screwing things up, I should be further along by now,… I should…. “ etc. It’s giving you instructions to receive the conditional approval, and avoid the conditioned rejection.

The voices in your head act like an “Imagined Parents” speaking to you in your thoughts that being loved is conditional. That you still need to earn respect, and do more to feel worthy. Over years you have learned to believe what those thoughts repeatedly tell you. Your emotional body responds with guilt, shame, excitement, fear, unworthiness, or celebration as if those voices in your head were telling you the truth. Except those voices aren’t telling you the truth. The voices in your head are repeating the punishment and reward programming they learned from your parents. They are not repeating the depth of the love and acceptance they were fulfilling in their other role.

The thoughts and beliefs are projecting you the conditions for you to get love, respect, acceptance and approval. They are also telling you when you don’t meet these conditions, and giving you the reprimands, rejection, through self judgment and criticism in your thoughts. The emotional response is a measure of the conditional punishment you are getting from your mind’s “pseudo parental” guidance system.

Your Mind Will Amplify the Fears and Pains and Minimize the Love and Acceptance

Those voices in your head aren’t treating you with unconditional love. They are very conditional, and often they are far skewed towards the negative feedback.

Even with very kind and loving parents, signals were sent about what they approved of and disapproved of. In emotionally volatile households the negative programming was more pronounced. But even in very peaceful and loving households there are typically forms of withdraw, signals of “lack of acceptance” which the mind will convert to experiences of rejection.

As a child those neural pathways that conditioned you to measure your worth based on what your “Imagined Parents” might think branch out. The pattern extended over time and you become concerned with what your teachers think of you. You seek approval from teachers, adults, relatives and friends. You seek approval and fear rejection from intimate partners so that the rejection circuit in your neural pathway doesn’t fire. Their approval, or disapproval can trigger your internal “Parental Belief System” for feeling accepted and approved, or judged, rejected, and not good enough. As adults your Self Parenting Belief System continues to work on you and your emotions, greatly affecting how you feel about yourself. It works that way until you confront your own beliefs and change them.

You don’t have to live with conditional love for your Self.

It is possible to re-program your belief system, and convert those negative thoughts, self-judgments, and unworthy emotions to your own feeling of self-acceptance and unconditional love. The message of unconditional love for your self may have been lost to you over the years, but it can be recovered, and lived again.

You are going to have to do some work on the “Imaginary Parents” of your belief system before you will be able to love your self unconditionally. It will be work but experiencing yourself with unconditional love and acceptance brings worthwhile rewards in feeling every day.

As adults you have to take responsibility for your “imagined parents.” Those are your thoughts, beliefs, and emotions now. Your parents may have been an influence on you, and we inherited some of their thinking and emotional patterns. But you are not trapped in them. They can be changed. You can re-create your mind, and grow to love yourself unconditionally.


Regret is a product of Imagination

How We Create Regret

Step 1.  Consciously or without our awareness our mind imagines a different life of different choices and outcomes.

Step 2.  Then or mind compares that imagined life experience to our actual life.  The choice we didn’t make, the path we didn’t take, the Imagined Life we didn’t live is held in our mind as better in some way.

Step 3.  The product of this comparison is to then feel a longing or desire to be living the life our imagination has dreamed up.

Step 4.  To wish we are somewhere else doing something else produces disappointment about our current moment of life, and regret about the decisions we made in the past.

The emotions of disappointment and regret are real.  That’s because all emotions are real.  But they were produced because our imagination dreamed up an imagined life and imagined decisions in our imagined past.  One that probably wouldn’t have turned out how our imagination conjured it.

Self awareness is the ability to perceive that your mind is dreaming up illusions.   Awareness  is a chance to awaken from those dreams of regret and be happy in the moment. The Self Mastery Course is a pathway to free you from those false dreams in your mind. 

Self Mastery Failure and Success

The exercises in the Self Mastery Course aren’t supposed to be easy. They might be simple, but that doesn’t mean easy. They do get easier with practice. It’s like learning to dance, or play an instrument, or a new language. In the beginning, you can’t put two steps, two notes, or two words together. Later, you can move through a song or conversation without having to consciously think about it. A single dance step, or playing one note is new, and an unfamiliar muscle movement.

The success is noticing that you are failing. It clues you into the nature of your unconscious beliefs and patterns. If you realize that, then you are on to something more important than successfully doing the exercise. You have a peek into the automatic mind, and begin the journey of bringing your unconscious thoughts, habits, and beliefs into awareness. This can lead to real and sustainable changes.

In some of the exercises I expect that people will have difficulty. Success won’t be automatic. There will be a lot of attempts and failure as you learn, like in anything. Free Exercise number 4, on Finding Neutral is an example. Agreeing or disagreeing with people in conversation, or with thoughts in your head is an automatic response. Our unconscious mind does it without a conscious thought. It is as automatic as driving a car. We get to our destination without thinking about which pedals to push, when, how hard, turning the wheel, or when to change lanes. We move in and out of traffic, control our speed, and obey all the rules while our conscious mind is on something else. Agreeing and disagreeing with people’s opinions is done the same way, but it can have a dramatic train wreck of a consequence on our emotions.

In the exercises I’m challenging you to notice those unconscious automatic behaviors, stop them, and do something different. You are going to fail at that when you first try. These things are so automatic it is a success just to become aware of the habits.  What I am saying is that you should fail. You aren’t going to change the agreeing/disagreeing pattern just because you decide to.

I present these first free exercises not so that you fail, but so that you will become aware of your unconscious patterns and how automatic they are. If you can do them successfully, then you will see changes in your mind and emotions. If you fail, you have a chance to learn, expand your awareness of what resistance shows up, and see the obstacles to change.

If you find the practices hard, it is because you are supposed to. If you find you have resistance to doing something that benefits you that’s helpful. You are supposed to have resistance, and the exercises help you see it.  What interferes with you feeling gratitude? You could decide to exercise some free will, and feel grateful for a while during the day. But maybe things get busy and your emotions go elsewhere instead. Why is that? It would be worth figuring out and changing that wouldn’t it?  Wouldn’t it be worth feeling more gratitude than less? To change that you would have to be aware of what your attention was on instead of on gratitude. This can be the benefit of taking failure and turning it into something advantageous.

Maybe, you put your attention into creating that feeling of gratitude but a series of thoughts show up saying things like, “you aren’t as grateful as you should be.”  So instead of consciously directing your mind, you discover contradicting thoughts that try to shame and guilt you for not feeling as much gratitude as you should.

I’ve heard this a lot from my clients about every exercise. “I don’t do the gratitude practice as much as I should.”  It’s an interesting story, one worth writing about in a belief inventory explained in later sessions.  It’s basically a belief that pushes back against feeling grateful. Instead it pushes your mind and emotions to feel like a guilty shameful failure for not being grateful enough. Very odd.

That kind of thought accomplishes the very opposite of what it says it is communicating.  Noticing that kind of thought in your belief system, is a gift. If you are willing to look at it in the right way it shows you what you are stumbling over. Noticing a thought that accomplishes the opposite of what it says should be accomplished is going to raise your skepticism. You are going to stop and look at that thought, and that is enough to make a small change.

In that moment of skepticism you aren’t going to believe the “you aren’t practicing gratitude as much as you should”. You are going to notice it is the Judge character in the mind, and not at all helpful like it is pretending to be. This step in skepticism is the beginning of breaking that thought so it no longer runs in that mind. If you break this self-judgment thought, then you can break the next one.

Noticing where you fall down is a kind of step forward. It is step forward because it tells you something is not right in the state of your mind. That can be helpful.  Noticing the backwards messed up thoughts of resistance to the exercises is an excellent way to see false beliefs at work. The other exercises provide the practices to really break them down and change them.  It’s a lot easier moving forward when you can see the things you are tripping over.

If you notice that you are failing at the exercise in some way you are achieving a success in awareness. The success is that you get to see how automatic and unconscious your thoughts, and beliefs, and behaviors are.

You are becoming conscious of how un-conscious small actions are. That is a clue that you might be in unconscious automatic pilot in other areas. You might also become aware that if you are unhappy, it is because you aren’t aware of the unconscious automatic thoughts and behaviors you are doing to create the unhappiness. If you become aware of this, then you have a chance to change these thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. A lot of little small changes like this one, and you travel a long ways down a pathway to greater happiness in your life.

The Self Mastery Course: Practical Tools for Getting Rid of the Emotional Drama in Your Life
  • Stop Emotional Reactions
  • Change Core Beliefs
  • Quiet the Criticizing Voice in Your Head
  • Develop Communication and Respect in Your Relationships
  • Create Love and Happiness in Your Life
Check out Gary's Self Mastery Audio Program and Download FOUR Sessions FREE