I got session 9 of the Self Mastery Series last Thursday. I have been listening to the audio, and I noticed something that left me lost. At the beginning of the audio you have us do the exercise of creating an emotion. What left me lost is that I could recall a story that would go with the emotion, but I was not able to recreate the emotion.
I should not be surprised by that, since I am aware that I have repressed my emotions for decades now. For as long as I can remember I have not allowed myself to experience my emotions.
The reason for that goes back to my childhood. I have a narcissistic mother. From a very young age, I learned that if I expresses emotions that would lead to problems with my mother. If I was laughing I was reprimanded for not behaving as a proper girl. If I cried for hurting my knee, I was reprimanded for crying just to annoy her. Not allowing my emotions to show became a second nature to avoid confrontation, blame, yelling and criticism.
I find myself now at a place that I do not know how to feel my emotions. I don’t know how to let them free. As i tried the exercise through the day, what I noticed happening is that I have this tight control all the time, an armor I would say, that contain my emotions all the time. If any emotion starts to simmer, that control squashes it, so it does not manifest itself – no wonder I suffered from depression for decades now. With all that emotion bottled up…
Anyway, can you help me here please?
Most sincerely, Jane
Good work. Most people don’t know how much they repress/suppress or avoid their emotions. Realizing that you do this is an important discovery. Most people avoid their emotions, but don’t notice. Session 9 is as much about noticing your emotions as it is about being aware of how you repress them. For some people, like yourself, this will be a more important realization, and one that has to come first. Next step, deciding that you don’t want to avoid them anymore, which is necessary if you want to be happy. That you want to release what is stored there and have a healthy emotional system is what you set your intent for.
To do this, get the Releasing Emotions Exercise. It’s in the products area.
Also get the Recapitulation series. It will help incorporate more than just the emotional part. It will help deal with the memories and thoughts that come up.
If you want add a more intensive process to this emotional reconditioning there is a type of therapy called EMDR that might be helpful. It is extremely helpful for resetting and clearing your nervous system from past trauma experiences. This may or may not apply to you. But start with the two processes in the audios I mentioned and then check back with me.
———— from Jane on Sept 22nd . —– 10 days later…..
As you suggested, I got the “Releasing Emotions” audio to help me get in touch with my emotions.
I started listening to the audio on and practicing. It was very difficult at the beginning, but I kept trying, listening to the audio at least twice a day. I began to feel as if a wall was crumbling, and I felt really odd about it, like, exposed. As the weekend went on I began to feel really down and anxious, to the point that I did have a full-blown panic attack on Monday. By Tuesday I was not only anxious, but extremely down, barely getting out bed to do the minimum necessary so the kids would stay alive.
Then, it subsided, and by Thursday I was feeling well once again. That day I listened again to audio about Gratitude (session 1 of the Self Mastery Course), and something really remarkable happened: I FELT the gratitude spread over me, a warmth that began on my chest and flowed through my body, a feeling of contentment that I had not experienced before as I listened to the audio. It made me so happy, because now what you were saying in the audio (let the feeling of gratitude spread over) finally made sense, I finally experienced it!!!
As I started listening to the audio today, I noticed that I was feeling tense, somehow uncomfortable. As the audio went on I burst out crying, with no warning at all and remained so for a while. That was also something new to me, as I have rarely allowed myself to cry. I felt lighter afterwards.
Thank you so much for the suggestion you gave me, and also, thank you for making that audio available. It is really helping me in a way I had not thought possible as all those bottled up emotions are being released.
Thank you for the support.
Most sincerely, Jane
—- — – – –
Hi Jane, you are doing great.
It sounds like your instincts were good, you followed through with the emotions exercise, even when your emotions weren’t pleasant, and then you see how opening up to feeling allows you to feel more gratitude. Good work. Your instincts and intent are leading you in the right direction for what you want.
It can be surprising how much emotion can be buried down in there -panic attack, anxiety, and depression etc… but with time they pass too, and you are on to feeling other emotions, and the general trend is towards feeling better. This can be some hard work, and you will need a rest now and again so give yourself a break, and then when you have had some rest, you work on some more things. In the long run it gets better.
Hope that helps.