____________

The action to make changes is a different issue.

Gary

______________

Why do I call it a “Spiritual” journey or retreat?

1.   I got to call it something.
2.  Spirit means Life, and this is part of the Life journey.
3.   Spirit means Love, and this is part of the path to Love and Happiness.
4.   A Spiritual experience is about Connection, and that begins with connecting with one’s self, in a way of love and respect, and then extending that connection to others, and to all living things.
5.  All of the above.

Is it dangerous with all the drug related issues?

NO.   And yes that is a capital NO.  If there were any likelihood of danger for people in a group I am guiding I wouldn’t be going.  Heck,, it’s more personal than that.  If I thought I was personally going to be in danger I wouldn’t go myself.  We fly into the Mexico city International airport where there is plenty of security.  We take our own van with a private driver to our own hacienda/retreat center located next to the old city ruins.  The small town that we stay in mostly sustains itself from the tourist and artist business in the area.  So,,, after having travel to this area regularly over the last 17 years I have no reason to believe it is dangerous.  It is more likely that the scary things you will face on this intensive are your fears and own inner demons.

How many people will be going?

We won’t know til the last week or two.  Last year’s group was 18 in size.  I’ve done trips as small as 6 people and as large as 40.  When it was 40 people it was combined with other teachers.  There are reasons to really like a small group like the closeness and amount of personal time, but we lose out on some of the diversity and richness of personalities and insights that that happen in a larger group.  With a larger group some activities like ceremony and group meditations are strengthened with numbers.   So by my standard the ideal number is the number that show up.

Is there time for personal interaction?

Yes.  There is time during meals which we all have together and walks to and from the grounds.  There is also personal relaxation time in the afternoons before evening class.  For me sometimes the personal interaction is the most enjoyable part.  It’s not just a facilitator and participant relationship. We get a chance to share, know each other as equals, joke, laugh, and create a more well rounded relationship.  Some people that have worked with me over years have become good life long friends.  And that’s not just true for me.  You also meet others on your trip that are of a like mind that you may stay in touch with well after the retreat.

What kind of people go on these trips?

My trips are generally pretty balanced between men and women.  Most are college educated professionals.  Some are starting out in a process of working through emotional reactions that have recently arisen. Others have worked through those basic stages and discovered there is a lot more love and happiness to experience.  They return numerous times seeking deeper levels of truth and understanding of the world, and to experience deeper and more expansive love, compassion, and freedom in their lives.

I tend to attract people who appreciate my common sense and logical approach to love happiness, and changing beliefs and emotions. Last years group included two doctors, two PhD researchers, an auto mechanic, a dentist, a stay at home mom and an investment manager.

Is this process associated with any religious group?

(Sometimes read:  “Is this a cult?”)

I do not adhere to or limit myself to any single doctrine.  The essence of all spiritual traditions is the removal of emotional suffering and unhappiness and replacing it with a feeling of love, happiness, and connection.  So I embrace the fundamental truths in all traditions.  The process actually mixes and changes each day.   The morning might start with a Shamanic journey into dreaming, and in the afternoon we engage in a whole hearted forgiveness exercise based in a Christian perspective.  That evening I might use a story from the Hindu perspective to help in making a point.  What I care about is using these teachings as practical tools to guide people out of emotional suffering.

What you will find is that I am respectful of each person’s belief system.  I’ve had people attend my programs and done coaching with me that are Orthodox Jews, a Christian Seminary student, an atheist, Catholics, Buddhists, and others.  What I teach about is personal belief systems, perspective, changing emotions, and Love.  I also teach it in a way that respects each person’s religious beliefs.

And as far as the cult thing?  No.  I try hard to avoid suggesting to people what they should believe.  (You might notice a great void of this in my website and audios.)   I tend to leave people’s personal choices to them selves, even if they ask me for suggestions.  (which they often do).  Instead I guide people to become aware of their hidden beliefs, be aware of the emotional and behavioral consequences, and then decide if they want to stay attached to those beliefs.

Isn’t the place with pyramids in Mexico where they did human sacrifices?  Is that part of this teaching?

Human sacrifice is not part of what I teach.  What I point people to inquire about is themselves, what they believe, and the emotions they feel.  I then engage them in practices and processes to change those negative states of emotions.

I haven’t studied the history of human sacrifice on this issue except to understand how people could fanatically believe in a dogma so strongly that the would take the life of a fellow human being.  I think it is helpful to be aware of such things so we don’t fall into such practices.  I am skeptical about the history, mostly because it is difficult to say what happened 1000 years ago in a society or why.   There may have been a splinter sect of the teachings that distorted the things and became fanatical about their beliefs.  I really don’t know. It wouldn’t be the first time that a small group of fanatics have seized power and ruled over a large group of people that just wanted simple freedoms and a simple life of happiness.  These civilizations have thousands of years of history and I am not an expert on all of it.

Pointing to one part of the civilizations past and saying they believed in human sacrifice would be like pointing to the Spanish Inquisition and saying, “That is what Christianity is about.”  Or pointing to a few Buddhist monks that set themselves ablaze in past years and saying, “That is the teaching of Buddha.”  Nothing could be farther from the point.  We wouldn’t look at the history of Rome and point to the most horrific of persecutions and conclude that is what they had to teach or is their legacy.

What it helps to be aware of is how our mind fixates on such issues that probably happened for a short period of time within the history of a culture and then ignores a thousand years of history.  How is it that our mind fixates on such a negative and builds it up in our imagination so that it blinds us from seeing the beauty in the world?  This is worth breaking free of and is the type of process that I teach.

Why do I go to the ancient ruins and Pyramids?

I go to the ancient city and pyramids because there is a rich history there of personal transformation.   A large part of their culture for many centuries consciously worked through their individual beliefs and mental states of emotional suffering. A large city of people lived in peace and harmony within their own mind, and with the people around them.  It is that part of the culture that is interesting to me. It interests me because if they could do it, then we can do it.

The city of Teotihuacan was built principally as a University for teaching conscious awakening.  Where people became aware of how the beliefs, chatter, and negative emotions in their mind were causing emotional suffering, and they developed practices to free themselves from their fears, critical judgments, and negative emotional reactions.  When we go to Teotihuacan we engage in the same types of practices that were successfully used for hundreds of years.  In short, I take people there through these processes because they work.  That’s probably the engineer side of me.  I want things to be effective and work for people or they aren’t of much value.

Do you need to do anything to prepare for the Intensive?  NO.

Often people feel they are not ready for a trip.  They feel they need to study more, or do more of my on line Self Mastery course and develop some level of skill and accomplishments before attending a week long intensive.  This is only a belief.  Truthfully this is not so.  My intensives are taught in a way that the material is accessible for the most basic beginner.  It is not necessary to have read one book, or done my online course.  At the same time there is plenty of depth for the more advanced students that have been doing personal transformation work for years.  Some of the people on the upcoming trip have done several events with me in the past, even 4 or 5 intensives to Mexico.   Each time they go the find more subtle, and sometimes more profound changes in their life.

Do I teach alone?  Generally yes.

If I know it is going to be a large group, then I might invite someone to assist.  If there is someone who is has been on several intensives before, I might call on them to share and assist at times.  This benefits them because they get to step out of their role as a “student.”   It also helps them integrate and deepen the material when they talk and share about it.  By sharing they deepen their learning.   I am discerning about the quality of the teaching experience that people get so I have a short list, but I am hoping to lengthen it.  Some people have shared an interest in learning to teach what I do.  In preparing for that these types of intensives are probably the best training.   

Will we be required to share?  No

You don’t have to share anything about your self or your process unless you want to. If you want you are welcome to do the entire intensive in silence.   I’m not inclined to have a big group counseling session where we each air the dirty laundry of our history. What I have found is that long telling of our history can be time consuming and when done in a group can be a distraction to others.  We don’t have to talk about our dark secrets in order to clean them up.  What is important is that we clean them up.  To do this we put our own attention on our own stuff in a constructive healing way.

Given that, I do invite people to share at times if they so choose.  There is value in sharing.  We can learn the lessons of others without having to repeat their mistakes.  We can gain insights and different perspectives on what they did and how they did it to help speed our process.  We get to find out that we are not alone, and not that different from others.  This helps break down the beliefs that keep us feeling isolated.   When sharing we can break the emotional patterns of hiding, and shame, that often accompany self judgment.  There is something healing about sharing what is going on inside with a group of people and realizing they don’t judge you.  It plants the seed that you don’t have to judge your self either.

So share if you like, or don’t if you prefer.  I respect each person’s free will to do their process as they please.

By the same token, when you attend one of these retreats, intensives, or spiritual journeys, you are welcome to participate or opt out of any of the activities.  Sometimes people opt to take the afternoon off and be by themselves.  That is fine.  I completely respect each person’s choices and their own process.

I understand that an agreement can be changed regarding an emotional reaction.  But, people do move to California for better weather, or move away from Los Angeles to get away from traffic, or in your case, you said that there are people you just don’t want to have lunch with anymore.  To me, these are preferences.  I’m not sure how you would distinguish a preference from an emotional reaction.  It’s the emotional reaction that causes the preference?

Thank you JJS

Hi, JJS,

Yes circumstances and our preferences for certain circumstances make a difference but there is another factor that we have to consider.  That there are beliefs in our mind that are playing a part as well and that is something we can change.

At the other extreme we can take Nelson Mandela who was unjustly imprisoned for 27 years.  He walks out with no bitterness and no sense of victimization or hate.  He forgives his captors as if he never judged them to begin with.  His emotional state contradicts his circumstances.   So what is really causing his emotional state to be in such a way?  It is not his circumstances.  So what is it?  I propose that it is the interpretations in our mind that we believe in,, or don’t believe in.   If we can find these beliefs in our mind, and change them, then we can change our emotional state without having to change other people, or even our self.

So I have avoided the question.  Where and when are our emotions caused by our beliefs and where and when are they being determined by our circumstances.   The only way to find out is to honestly and ruthlessly challenge the beliefs and see where  our emotions shift.  When they do not, then perhaps we are dealing with a circumstance issue.  But we can not be sure that is the case until we have removed any possible beliefs that are interfering.   In summary, what I am saying is that I can not answer the question for you.  You have to discover it for your self.

Happy Hunting,

Gary

In response to one of the free exercises in the Self Mastery course.

]]> http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/happiness/2010/08/21/power-over-happiness/feed/ 0 http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/happiness/2010/01/20/dealing-with-grief/ http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/happiness/2010/01/20/dealing-with-grief/#comments Wed, 20 Jan 2010 15:27:45 +0000 Gerard van Warmerdam http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/happiness/?p=226 Hi Gary-

I find your insights incredibly rewarding and helpful.  I have been looking at your website (and bless you for making so much free btw), and one thing I see missing is anything about dealing with grief.  I have recently lost my boyfriend to an accident–and I have been having incredible metaphysical experiences, which I believe actually brought me to your sight–and it looks like dealing with every emotion is in there except that one.

It’s a toughy, and I haven’t seen anything anywhere that is really of much use.  I would love to hear what you have to say about it.

Thanks,

S_______________

Hi S,

It’s hard to talk about an emotion that raw,,, and real.

I spend most of my efforts addressing how we create unhappiness and misery for our selves unnecessarily by putting our faith in beliefs that are false.  Real grief is not like that. You are going to feel emotion and there is no story behind it.  You are going to feel emotion and cry and there aren’t going to be any words to describe it,,, so what does one say.    Any words about such a real experience of grief will likely distort it.

There is a life afterwards,,, there is a shifting in one’s emotions over time.  Grief is not a permanent state.  There is a perspective,,, developed with a great deal of awareness where we don’t feel the pain anymore.  Actually we feel grateful for the time,,,, any time,,, every moment that we had with them.   But that comes with the acceptance of the nature of death… the dissolving of all things physically manifest.  They are all transient.  It’s a big perspective… one that is also difficult to talk about or put on a web page in text.   I talk about it in my more intensive retreats such as Zion or Mexico.  There’s more time to work with it.  The outcome,,, intended, anyways,,, is the realization that we are all here for a very short time… so don’t waste it.    And,,, if you do get some beautiful moments,,, and you get to experience something called unconditional love with someone, for someone, for god, the earth, your body, the stars or any unconditional love for anything at all,,,, then be grateful for the time that you had.   Because not everybody does.   It’s a different perspective about life when you take death into account here,,, a bigger perspective,,, and one that can lead you to appreciate everything, and every small thing in  a profound way.

So that is why I don’t have much on this site about grief yet.

God Speed,,,, may you find peace when you are done.

Generally I find I can either answer questions I have by listening to something you’ve already recorded or by simply realizing the question was bogus to begin with, but every so often I stumble on something that lingers.

I believe I’ve mentioned a girl I have pretty strong feelings for. I had *a lot* of agreements about relationships and love that I’ve had to cut through, but I’ve noticed I don’t feel the same about those subjects as I did before. The mind will try to pull me into drama over little things, but it does succeed very often anymore.

But I do notice the feeling itself is different. I’ve noticed a lot more love in my every day experience, but the way I feel for this girl is just… Different. I enjoy the feeling and no longer believe I have to stop feeling it because we aren’t involved romantically.

So I suppose I’m asking if love is a feeling that has–for lack of a better term–different flavors or colors. I wouldn’t consider this question particularly necessary to answer, but it leaves me curious.

Thanks again.

Degrees of Love

Dear Degrees of Love,

Love has many varying flavors, and degrees of intensity.  Every musical note, sound, and voice can have a different quality of love. It is endless.  Each color, plant, animal can have a different emotional quaility.  This is why there are many aspects of happiness.  Sometimes is is an uproarious laughter, and sometimes it is a quite state of compassion and acceptance.  Both are pleasant, but in different ways.

As you cut through the agreements about relationships (beliefs usually of need)  we find out our neediness changes.   Our love becomes more generous and less selfish.  Our desire is for the people we love to be happy and there is less and less need that they have to be with us.   This is a more unconditional love.

I have been hearing a lot about LSD lately and the effects of it on the mind and how it can expand consciousness. From what I heard it can give you the same results as years of self mastery work and meditation. It sounds pretty far fetched. I was just wondering what you think about using LSD or other drugs to advance consciousness on this spiritual journey.
Being Curious AJ

Hi AJ

Drugs can have an impact on your brain and you will likely have an experience from that. What that experience will be you won’t get to know in advance.

I suppose that if you took a pot of coffee and poured it on your computer and monitor you would get an interesting experience as well. There would be a show of sparks, smoke, and possibly even an electrical fire. To a young child, or the inexperienced or naive this could be seen as a magical and profound show. To someone a bit more familiar with electricity and shorting out electrical circuits it will be foolish, dangerous, and an expensive waste of electronics.

In the same way you can have different experiences if you pour chemicals on the synapses of your brain. However at what price? As far as I know those parts of the body are not replaceable. You get issued one brain with that body so you might want to seriously consider how much risk you take with it.

My personal opinion about using drugs to elicit spiritual and conscious expansion is this. I don’t recommend it. I’ll go so far as to discourage the use of drugs for spiritual growth and consciousness purposes. These are a few of my reasons:

1. I first suggest starting with the awareness of what beliefs in the mind propose this avenue of curiosity. What beliefs dictate that you need or would benefit from an artificial substance? What part of this belief system implies that you are not powerful enough to create change on your own? What it is it about these beliefs that discount your use of skillful practice and discipline?

2. Then there is the down side risk of letting your self lose conscious control and possibly injuring your self on just a physical level.

3. I don’t see how one progresses to a Spiritual Self Mastery by losing conscious control through substances. This is just a bit contradictory. I don’t know what your version of “self mastery” is but it doesn’t fit mine. Self Mastery has to do with gaining conscious control of your mind, not abdicating power of the mind over to a substance.

4. Now consider the upside of a drug induced spiritual experience of conscious awakening. You are likely to attribute the source of your conscious raising experience to the drug. In the belief system of your mind the drug becomes the power necessary to open the door of consciousness. This perspective indirectly creates the belief that you are less powerful. The paradigm results in disempowering your self. I don’t see this as a path to gaining conscious control over one self and mastering one’s life.

The Spiritual Journey

Stopping your internal dialog and accessing expanded levels of consciousness is challenging. It is even more challenging to do without skilled guidance and a mentor. It’s why I suggest people get skilled guidance. I’ve attempted to make some of that guidance easily available on this web site through the free audio and the Self Mastery program. It certainly is not all the guidance everyone will need for every circumstance and question, but hopefully it is a starting point.

For me that guidance came in the form of my mentor, don Miguel Ruiz over many years. The guidance of my mentor was invaluable in my journey. Through his words, wisdom, and perspective he lent me his consciousness.

He was also able to provide one of the most powerful and addictive substances for my personal growth and spiritual progress. That substance wasn’t a drug, it was unconditional love. The power of unconditional love was so addictive that I made every effort to be in his presence as much as I could. But what was more powerful that sharing his unconditional love with me is that he taught me how to grow my own.

I understand that desire for that feeling of love that is often called a spiritual experience. I haven’t done any recreational drugs in my life. I really don’t have any desire to. I feel the unconditional love that I create and I don’t’ have any desire to pour artificial chemicals on that. The added benefit of using love to facilitate your expansion of consciousness is that you don’t have to come down from it.

Dear Gary,

I have an experience to share instead of asking a question this time.

I was doing the journal exercise and looking at a particularly intense recent emotional experience. I sensed that I was hitting on some very strong beliefs and even though I could journal out a lot of what was going on in my head, assign it to the various parts of my ego, I still found myself stuck in that point of view. The Judge concluded that I simply couldn’t make the agreements dissolve right then and there, and therefore, this was pointless. Through a chain reaction of agreements, it told me that I wasn’t going to figure this out. (I just got Session 11 of the Self Mastery series, so I see that lie hidden in the vagueness there.)

The frustration built up as the Victim accepted all of those self-judgments, and–to borrow a metaphor you’ve used–the elastic bands began to pull me back into old habits. I went to try and sleep. I had gotten stuck in this unsolvable intellectual conundrum of whether or not I could bring a particular person back into my life. I felt intense fear that this person would not allow it.

Then a funny thing happened…. a shift in my point of view

My mind just shifted. I thought that no matter what happened in that situation, I could be grateful. I could be grateful the person considered my request; grateful that she would say yes; grateful that she’d say no; grateful that I had my past experiences with her and that my memory functioned enough just to be able to remember them. I could even go one step further: to be grateful that my mind had the ability to make me feel misery by entertaining false beliefs as being true. The emotion I felt was so powerful, it actually brought me to tears. I’ve never experienced anything like it. In that moment, I was so grateful, I couldn’t contain it in my self.

What is incredible to me about that situation is that I made no specific effort to shift into gratitude. It just happened. What is even more interesting is that I’ve had other less intense moments like this where I simply shift and see the same situation completely differently. I’m not going at it consciously and I didn’t set out that day to do that.

The emotion of the experience I described only lasted a short time, though. The elastic of old habits eventually pulled me back to a more familiar emotional state.

So, I don’t suppose I have a question for you today. I ask a lot of those and instead would just like to share an experience with someone who is going to appreciate the magnitude of what it meant to me.

And also, I’d like say your most recent podcast on breaking habits and addictions was a great listen. The metaphor of the elastic bands really helped put shifting one’s perspective into, well, a different perspective.

I’ve found that I really don’t have anyone in my day-to-day life that I can talk to about this process. While I know many wonderful caring people who will listen to me, they simply aren’t familiar with the ideas you’re presenting. I could explain them, but I feel they use up a lot of my personal power. This isn’t to say I feel lonely in this process. Rather, I understand that what I’m doing is immensely personal and that someone else isn’t readily going to understand what that experience means to me. I consider it my path and while some can help me keep an eye out for obstacles to expect, I know I’m the only one who can and will walk it.

Much gratitude, as always.

B. B.

——————

A few thoughts on this course subscribers experience.

His emotions didn’t shift by accident. His emotions shifted because his point of view shifted. It didn’t shift in the moment of doing the Self Mastery exercises, but the exercises had a lot to do the change. The exercises in awareness and changing emotions helped knock down those walls so that he could slip easily through the opening when it was time.

Changing core beliefs, stopping the voices in your head, and shifting your emotions doesn’t usually happen the way you expect it. And that can be a good thing as long as you don’t let the expectations of your inner judge dictate your actions and intent.  Sometimes shifting your mind is like one of those tricky puzzles.  You work at it, and work at it, and then, boom.  A new perspective opens up and you see the key that unlocks it.  The funny thing is that easy solution only seems to appear after you have put your hard work and effort into the change.

I would really appreciate your help with a question. I’m graduating from high school this year and trying to figure out what I should do.

When reading about your background, I noticed that you have a degree in Mechanical Engineering. I have been accepted to a University for that very program. I’m going into engineering because of the many doors it opens and for the money but I don’t feel optimistic about it. I think I would prefer to do a skilled trade. I’m afraid I will get stuck doing a monotonous job if I don’t go to University however.

You said that you had a miserable career because you went into engineering? I would value your opinion on this: Should I get a degree in engineering? How does it affect your life in terms of relationships, etc.? I’m really worried – I don’t want to lead myself down a path of misery.

Thank you, Alex

Dear Alex with a Future,

I didn’t have a miserable career experience because I studied engineering. I’m not sure how that got interpreted. Engineering is an education that has served me very well in many ways. It was a conglomeration of things that created my misery at that time in my life. The biggest factor was that I was unaware of the world of emotions and beliefs that I was living in my mind.

The second biggest factor was working 80-100 hours a week at something that I wasn’t enjoying any more. I enjoyed it for a number of years, loved the challenges, and the action. (Ran nuclear power plants and drove an aircraft carrier) But not having balance or time to do things that I enjoyed eventually left me drained and unfulfilled. (I should note that I didn’t have time to discover what things I enjoyed.)

At the time I didn’t understand the importance of putting my happiness as a priority. I had just assumed that if I was successful, and in the “right” relationship, then I would be happy as a consequence. This was a set up for a big disillusionment.

“Should I get a degree in engineering?”

Expecting someone to answer this question is disrespectful to your self. You are the only one that is responsible for the decisions you make. Other people are not. You will live with the consequences of your choices. No one else will. Make the decision for your self and not because someone else says it is a good idea or not.

At the same time be aware of your inexperience at making such choices and take the time to consider what other experienced people have to say. They will have awareness and insights that you have not yet accumulated. This can be of great benefit. Always remember, in the end, it is your decision.

Planning for an Unknown Future

In working through a decision that involves such a long time frame, recognize that you can’t know the future. Therefore you can’t know if it is the “right” decision before you take action. Some roads you have to go down, explore and see if they work for you.

For this reason it is most important to give your self the freedom to change your direction later. Your comment, “I don’t want to lead myself down the path of misery,” sounds like it has assumptions based in fear of being trapped. That fear alone will paralyze you from taking any action. It also sounds as if you are not allowed to change your choice once you commit to it. This kind of mindset and inflexibility in your choices is what creates the feeling of being trapped.

What is an Education For?

My technical education has served me well and still does. I’m comfortable learning programming on my own website because of programming classes in college. One of the ways I see the structure of people’s belief systems is much like a mechanical engineering system. I see how different parts of the mind interact and trigger one another as if it were diagrammed in a schematic. In school I learned how to think in terms of inter-related systems. That skill helps me to understand things like emotional dynamics in relationships. It turns out that I learned a lot of skills in my engineering classes that could be used elsewhere.

Getting an education doesn’t mean you are limited to working in that field. One of my favorite jobs was in sales. I got to visit different customers and help them solve their problems. It was like learning a new puzzle and solving it every other day. The job was a sales job, but it was made easy because of my technical competence and experience in engineering. It was at that time I discovered the challenge of working with people and my interest piqued in that area. That is something that I couldn’t have known before and only found through discovery and exploration from technical sales.

If you think of an education or degree as something that locks you into a career for the rest of your life, then you will feel trapped, and sabotage the opportunity.

But what happens if you see education as preparation for a journey into unknown worlds ahead? Twenty years ago there wasn’t an internet, and only a few people worked in computers. You don’t know what new fields of business and science will emerge in the next 20 or 40 years. No one does. The most prepared for success may very well be the most flexible and creative minds. How will you prepare your mind in this adventure of life?

How can you best prepare your self to adapt to a changing world? This is what an education is for. (Many educators don’t take this approach.) The goal of an education is not to limit you into one small area defined by a degree. One of the goals of an education is to make you more prepared and more adaptable to any area of life.

Consider these two scenarios in terms of flexibility, opportunity, and choices. If you get a college degree, how easily can you transition into a trade. If you go into a trade, how easy is it to transition into management, or engineering later?

You have choices

You can’t know if something isn’t good for you until you check it out. At 18 I chose mechanical engineering as a major even though I wasn’t even sure what mechanical engineers did. I just wanted to know how things worked. I couldn’t have understood what I was getting into until I got into it.

It is only once you have experience that you can make an informed choice. The irony is that you can’t get that experience until you make uninformed choices. That informed choice may very well be to get out and find a different path. But at least at that point it is an informed choice. That’s what happened for me in the military, and in a couple other pursuits. I got excited and got going on something and when I learned more about it, I decided it wasn’t for me. With each new experience I was able to make better choices. You can’t predict the future. You can’t know what will be most fulfilling for you in your life and what won’t. That’s one of the exciting parts of discovery in this adventure. See the Dan Gilbert video about people’s expectations on happiness for more on this point.

What should I do after I Graduate?

Some people approach questions like this as if they can know the “right” answer before they explore the experience. This comes from too much pattered book learning. Too many times our mind has been patterned with the scenario that there is only one right answer, and it has already been defined before we make a choice. It drives the feeling to check the answer guide in the back or confirm our feelings with an expert to ensure we make the “right” choice. This isn’t my experience when it comes to making choices about the future. And when I think about it, choices that affect the future are the only kind there are.

Trial and Error – Discovery and Exploration

So much of the journey in life is trial and error. But that approach only looks acceptable if you remember that you have the right to change your choice. Your awareness that you have a choice, and that you can change it, will give you a sense of freedom, and power. Not to be aware of these opportunities will leave you feeling trapped, powerless, and helpless in any choice you make.

If you don’t like the term “trial and error” because the voice in your head generates too much fear of failure, then you can think of it as discovery and exploration.

Increase your Awareness by being Grateful

Be grateful for the opportunities that you have. Be really grateful. I pretty much enjoyed my service in the military with the exception of the last few months. In the end it wasn’t really bad, I was just tired. I was ready for change and I wanted a different path. The problem was that in the military I just couldn’t give them 2 weeks notice and leave. I had a several months left, and considering the consequences, no real choice about it. That was a situation of not really having choices and being somewhat trapped.

About half the world population lives on less than 2 dollars a day. They have a lot fewer choices. Many days they don’t have a choice of what to eat, or if they will eat.

If you practice being grateful for the choices you have you will be more aware of your power to make choices. That awareness will give you a sense of freedom, and allow you to see opportunities that others don’t. The less grateful you are, the less awareness you will have of your choices. With less awareness of your choices you are more likely to feel trapped and powerless. Practicing gratitude and appreciation for the choices you have will help you stay in touch with that source of power.

As a reference to making better decisions I suggest reading Source’s of Power by Gary Klein. He has awareness and insight into how the mind really makes decisions. In Klein’s book The Power of Intuition he provides several practical techniques for improving your decision making process. It’s not going to be much help in the “What should I do after Graduation” type question, but you will be making many more decisions in your life. You might as well be aware of how your mind does that so you can improve the process.

Gary

For a practical guided meditation in Gratitude listen to the first free session of the Self Mastery Program.

I hope you are well.
I thought I’d give you an update on how things are going.

Gratitude has become an integral part of my life now and is such a powerful yet simple tool. I thank you so much for introducing the practice of gratitude into my life. Recently I have been reading a lot of material by Guy Finley and have found that it echoes of what you teach.

Realizing that we are not our thoughts was a major shock for me and really made me start asking the question: ‘Who am I?’ It was while I was contemplating this that I remembered the Free Session in the audio course you offer called ‘The Attention’. I couldn’t believe it, all my questions were answered….I had listened to it many times before but this time it made so much more sense. I realized that I have created so many different false selves that I have mistaken them for actually being the real me, but they are not the real me.

I was really excited when this awareness came to me but then I became scared….fear and anxiety kicked in big time. Since then the false self seems to have become louder and I think that this is because I am challenging its existence and it doesn’t want to die. I know that the false self is not real but it does appear to be so much of the time because of the emotions I feel, especially anxiety. It feels that I haven’t moved forward but I know this is also the trick of the false self.

I am confident that with my commitment and persistence with this process of self-awareness I shall succeed….it is inevitable.

Again, thank you Gary for the wisdom that you offer.

Peace and love to you.

M in the UK.

Dear M.
A big part of figuring out what you are involves figuring out who you are not. Notice that I say “what you are” and not “who you are.” That’s because “who you are” is very much a function of the false self.

It is astute of you to notice that the false self is playing this trick of telling you that you are not moving forward. The interpretations the false self makes of emotions is usually that you are moving backwards or getting worse.

Keep in mind that our emotions are real feelings, but the interpretations we make about them are not facts. In the beginning the assumptions we make about emotions are usually incorrect because the come from the false self, or what we can call ego mind. he truth is often about 180 degrees from what the false self thinks it is.

I agree with your assessment that the fear that you are feeling is the fear that the false self is generating. It is afraid of being found out and losing control of the Authentic You. I allude to this in a couple of my podcasts. I think it is on the podcast about on Overcoming Fear.

It is kind of amazing that the false self has an emotional reaction to being found out and then tricks us into thinking it is our emotion. It then gives us a false interpretation of what is causing “our” emotion. We believe the thoughts that aren’t our own about emotions that aren’t our own. This is a very clever trick and one that requires a good deal of self awareness to slip out of.

The journey to discover what you really are is mostly about discovering what you are not. When you dissolve all the illusions about your self, only the Truth is left.

About your commitment to succeed, be wary here. The idea or ideal of “success” can also be a trick of the false self. This is particularly true if we hold beliefs about failure in relation to our definition of success. When we use terms like success in this process we are often getting set up for some type of false self judgment about measuring progress and failure.

It would be wise to clearly understand what you have defined the symbolic word success to mean.

If you define success as love, peace, happiness, joy, compassion, and Truth, then yes, continue to use the word success. But if this is what you mean, then why not use these symbolic words instead.
By the way, in your quest to sort out all this false self stuff from the authentic you it might be helpful to be aware that only the False Self asks the question, “Who am I?” The authentic self doesn’t bother with such questions.

Gary

I wrote to you about a week ago about how my jealousy issue and how I have a problem with my girlfriends past, and how that is very hypocritical of me because my past is less pure then hers. I have taken your advice and picked up “The Four Agreements” and “The Voice of Knowledge”. I am half way through “The Four Agreements” and I am very pleased with it. I have also listened to the “Gratitude” and “Abdication of Power” audio lessons. Once again very pleased.

The question I have is about the “Abdication of Power”. I understand that when I am getting angry, jealous, or frustrated to take a look at what exactly is going on in the current situation in the way you describe. But what I don’t understand is why take a look at a situation as to where I’m happy? Why break down that situation to change my emotional state?

For example I just got off the phone with my girlfriend and like usual we get along and we love talking to each other and this of course makes me happy. So why break it down to get away from being happy. When I am mad, jealous or angry I want to break the situation down to get away from that…so pretty much kind of confused..
Thank you for your time, SK

Hi SK,

First of all email is a really poor communication medium. It’s too easy to misunderstand what you are specifically talking about, and then too easy for you to misinterpret my reply.

As I understand your question, why break down where all the happy feelings come from? I don’t think I directed you in the Power Sessions to do that. (maybe I’m wrong cause I haven’t listened to them recently.)  But basically happiness comes from expressing love. No problem there.

Making sure I hit the point, I don’t think anywhere did I mention to get away from the happy feeling.  That’s not the direction I’m suggesting. If you got that impression from somewhere let me know and I’ll go look at my material and make the clarifications.

Don’t try to understand or dissect what isn’t broken.
Apply the exercises to the emotional reactions that you don’t enjoy for starters.

Understanding all the sources of our happy emotions is a bit more challenging and should be done later. Why would you even do it later?

One advantage of doing it is that you discover that you express love and are happy from certain triggers. Suppose someone says to you that are very smart and good looking. If your reaction to that compliment by way of your belief system is to feel good then your emotional state of happiness is dependent on compliments from other people. By this belief structure you are likely to feel poorly if they comment to you in derogatory way.  This isn’t a very empowering way to live.   You will be at the mercy of having to fish for compliments from other people. If they are having an emotionally down day then they won’t be as likely to serve them up.

We are then trapped because our happiness relies on that trigger from other people verbalizing their opinion. This can make us a slave to other people’s opinion. Maybe we do it just a little bit, but why do it at all.

But this is all a bit more advanced. Start with the emotional reactions that are unpleasant. You will be more motivated to dissect and find the false beliefs behind those emotional reactions.

Not sure if I’ve clarified the questions you might have. This is my long range stab via email. It’s much easier to address these types of things in a session over the phone.

Gary