That’s often the question as one is working through their issues of limiting beliefs, fears, emotional reactions, or sabotaging behaviors. Always the question, “How long will it take?”
It’s difficult to answer because it depends on many factors. Sometimes the issue is simple, like a case of jealousy. Other times a person is working to change a life long pattern of victimization and judgment filled with emotions of resentment and anger. If that is behind a reaction of jealousy, then it will take them a bit longer as the belief structure has built up over more years and is larger.
Then there is the factor of how much time and energy you direct to the matter of change. If you do ten minutes a day, it might take ten years. But if you do an average of an hour a day of practices, it might only take a year. How did doing six times the work cut down the length of time by a factor of 10? It’s because at 10 minutes a day of change you still have 15 hrs and 50 min of your waking day reinforcing old patterns. At an hour a day of the awareness work you have almost an hour less of reinforcement. Not only are you doing more new healthy actions, but you are doing less of the emotionally unhealthy behaviors.
So how long will it take? It will take a certain number of hours. You can put those hours in early and be done sooner, or you can do just a few minutes a day of change work and have it take many years.
It’s like learning to read, dance, fly an airplane, or play a musical instrument. All of these things will take a certain number of hours before you reach a level. If you want to go further and master more emotional skills and more of your beliefs, it will take more hours. The critical way to measure how long it will take is by how many hours you spend practicing, not the days or weeks of the process. If it takes 100 hours to break through a set of limiting beliefs you can do it in 5 weeks, or you can do it in 5 years. Either way it will take you the same number of hours.
So to answer the question about, “How long will it take before I see the changes I want?”
As we work to stay consciously aware and maintain positive emotions of happiness we can become tired of the process. When that happens, the thought, “Sometimes it just feels like it would be easier to give up,” may appear. Let’s be honest, that’s what we think some times. Or,, perhaps it is the ego part of our mind telling us that.
Should we believe that thought, that is the question?
There’s a part of the statement about it being easier that is true. And there is a part of this statement that is false, or a lie as I like to call them. It’s all in how you interpret it. One of the problems is that our mind accepts both interpretations without realizing what they are. The result is that we acknowledge the truth and bury ourselves deeper in the lie at the same time. I’ll thin slice this thought and illustrate the layers of what is both a truth, and a lie at the same time in the same thought.
Trying to stay consciously “awake” and not fall into the automatic reactions dictated by the programmed negative thoughts running through our mind is hard. It takes work to stay “awake.” You have to consciously focus your attention, be aware and mindful of what’s going on with your thoughts, emotions, point of view, and consciously choose if you are going to believe each thought or not. It is a mental discipline and it takes work to maintain this awareness. At least it is work in the beginning. Once you have dug your self out of the emotional hole, it’s not much effort at all.
But in the beginning, we sometimes we get tired of all that mental work and discipline. What get’s tired is our will. We have to exercise our will power to stay consciously aware.
What is will power? It’s like a muscle we use to concentrate with, or focus our attention. We can apply it to conscious awareness, but we can also apply it to reading, physical exercise, and other activities. Applying that internal force to focus your attention or push your body is what I call will power. It acts like a muscle and as you use it, it gets stronger.
However, just like any muscle, our will power can become fatigued by use in the short term. When it does it needs to rest, recharge, and then it is ready to be used again. When you exercise this muscle of will power, it will need rest in the short term. But the more you use it the stronger it gets in the long term.
So if you have been working hard to stay conscious and not slip into negative thinking, you might notice that after a while your muscle of willpower becomes fatigued. It is then difficult to maintain your focus and awareness. Depending on how rested you are, and how much you have developed your will power muscles through practice, it might be 1 hour of refrain that exhausts you. If you are more practiced perhaps it is one day, or one week of avoiding the temptations of negative thoughts that tires you out. In any case, at a certain point you need to rest and recharge your will power muscle. When our will power muscle is tired is sometimes when the thought, “It would just be easier to give up” comes along.
Now a certain interpretation of this statement is true. Your will power muscle is tired and it needs to rest. If you were at the gym lifting weights and holding up the bar on the bench press for a while, at a certain point you would think, “this would be easier if I put this down.” It is true that it would be easier. However, if you held that weight up there a little longer, you would be using those muscles and they would become stronger as you pushed them past previous levels. And if you did, the statement, “It would be easier if I put this down,” would even be more true. But after pushing your self, at a certain point you would need to let the bar down. You can only grow that muscle so fast. It needs time to rest in between. After your muscles rest they are ready to go again.
When you were young and first learning to walk your legs would get tired after only a few steps. Once they did, it became easier to sit down, or crawl. So the truth is that at a certain point it is easier to crawl than to walk. But that isn’t always true. It’s just true for a short time, and then it isn’t true once your muscles are rested.
After a while your legs got rested, and you probably became tired of crawling. At that point you tried to walk again. Maybe you made it a few more steps, and then you had to sit down. Perhaps you would resort to crawling the rest of the day. Tomorrow you would try standing and walking again. Over years of practice and strengthening you are able to walk or run for miles with a quicker recovery time.
The phrase, “Sometimes it would just be easier to give up,” is a true statement if we interpret that it applies to the short term. It means that I need to give my muscles a rest, recharge my energy, my muscles, and my will power for now.
However, if you interpret the same statement to mean, “Giving up for good on being consciously aware, and happiness would be easier”, then that is a completely different meaning. One by my experience that isn’t true. If we applied that logic to learning to walk, we would have concluded that it was easier to crawl. Yes it takes effort to learn to walk. However, imagine living your life and getting around by crawling all the time. It’s a lot more work to crawl to get somewhere, and not nearly as fast as walking. And if you didn’t learn to walk you would never learn to run. So not only is crawling more work,,, it is slower.
So sticking with crawling and not learning to walk in the short term is easier. There is an effort you have to exert to learn to walk. However, not exerting the effort to learn at all, means a lot more work throughout your whole life. It’s a lot easier to walk for the rest of your life, but you have to put forth some effort to learn how. So it is with consciously being aware and happy. It takes exerting some effort and practice to learn to be consciously aware and happy, but easier for the rest of your life.
To gain the skills on working through tricky lies like this one, and other self sabotaging limiting beliefs, try the free sessions in the Self Mastery Course.
A video about self discipline, self control, fatigue, decision making, and how our will power needs to be restored after it is spent.
One of the clues that inroads are being made on your belief system and emotions is when the Judge and Victim really complain about this work. They will tell you things like it isn’t working and it is a waste of time one day. The next day they will say that you aren’t doing it enough and because of that you are a failure. That’s an effort on their part to get you to quit. These are completely opposite stories that contradict themselves, but the Judge and Victim don’t seem to notice the flaws in their logic.
The first assumes that the course is a waste and that you have better things to do with your time. The second is that the material is really worthy, but since you aren’t doing it, then you are a waste and shouldn’t even bother trying. Interesting when you start seeing this stuff,,, I think anyways.
So when it comes to measuring progress and noticing resistance, you might listen to what the Judge and Victim characters have to say on the matter, and assume that the exact opposite is happening. That might be closer to the truth.
Hello Gary, I’ve been visiting your site often over the past weeks, and I’m on the second session in your Self-Mastery program. I’ve listened to most of your free audio already.
My experience with spirituality thus far can best be described through the image of an abusive relationship. I can’t leave it now, but I feel it’s done more harm than good, or to phrase it more accurately, my mind has used it against me more often than not. It started about a year ago when I picked up and read the book “Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality.” I’m 19 and a year ago I couldn’t have cared less about spirituality, but when I put down that book, I experienced a powerful episode of existential depression. It is the most acute emotional pain (fear) I can remember feeling. Of course, the irony is apparent on paper, but you are probably familiar with the tricks of the mind, which I am beginning to learn for myself. Despite trying to forget all about “awareness” and “waking up” (which filled my mind with a sense of both urgency and dread) I was compelled to read more on this subject, eventually reading lots of authors and teachers including Eckhart Tolle and Alan Watts. The probable cause for this is that I’m stuck in my life, GED in hand but procrastinating leaving home ad infinitum, with no job and two “wasted” years of doing nothing and knowing no-one my age. Reading lots of books in the hope one will “click” and solve my problems was the most likely motivator. I absorbed lots of useless knowledge but resisted the actual practice.
This tendency of my mind to turn the only cure into the enemy is a cause of a lot of anxiety and frustration in my life. Thankfully, I’m not as resistant to change as I once was, after visiting your site. I think you described it perfectly, I was trying to destroy the house I was standing in, without having another house to live in. The result is that more walls go up, even in completely ridiculous places, as I have described above. I had no idea what would be left after an “awakening” so I had all sorts of doubts and fears about becoming a different person, estranging myself from the rest of humanity, or eliminating my desire for self-expression. This desire is very close to my heart, I’m a very artistic and creative person, so I had major reservations about dissolving my identity, especially at an age where the very thing I’m expected to be doing is making one. The result? One confused and depressed teenager. :)
The closest thing to meaning I’ve ever had in my life is a feeling, the feeling I get when I get completely absorbed in music, a movie, a book or art of any kind. You know, when people talk about being “transported” when they listen to something so moving it can’t be expressed in words. I have no idea if this feeling is what those monks in India are looking for, or what spiritual teachers are talking about. All I knew is that I didn’t want to lose that. If that’s the house to go live in while I break down my fears then I’m packing my bags and moving in right away. But the mind has it’s ways, and would convince me that I was just fooling around in illusion, and that this feeling was to true spirituality as Coca-Cola is to spring water.
Sometimes I would sit and think, and realize I was being ridiculous, and experience relief. But the next day the depression and uncertainty would be back. The same resistance to change, the resistance to meditation, the resistance to anything that felt good. I became very cynical about my desires. I felt that I shouldn’t have them, or that they would just lead to suffering. I’m pretty sure I swallowed some bad advice along the road, or at the very least, made the mistake of not having a guide in this process. If the average spiritual seeker has positive associations around the words “nothingness,” “non-being,” and “detachment,” I was the opposite.
I could go on and on but you get the idea. I just don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore. I have a hunch that this is because I don’t listen to myself anymore, I’ll take anyone’s opinion but mine. It’s like brainwashing, or that’s what it feels like. I could always convince myself to be unhappy. It became so painful that I’m just now starting to get out of it, finally, with the help of your materials. You teach in a way that makes more sense to me, that’s more practical and less vague.
Any advice would be appreciated! If nothing else I hope this email can give you more insight into how self-defeating the mind can become, perhaps someone else will benefit from this, as I haven’t been able to just yet. Anyways, great site, I’m looking forward to the next session, and I’m now practicing with an open heart. Wish me luck!
Hi Existential,
Thanks for your email. I know your situation and it isn’t comfortable. Even if the clarity of your writing is refreshingly clear and insightful on your situation,,, it’s still emotionally binding.
I’ll keep my response on what to do about your “existential depression” brief,,, so it isn’t lost. Do the exercises in the Self Mastery course material.
You can’t think your way out of this one because the very thing doing the thinking is your mind. It’s the part that is effectively corrupted with a computer virus so it’s not going to come up with a legitimate helpful answer. Actually, as you have probably noticed,,, it will come up with thoughts about why not to do the exercises. It also comes up with questions that aren’t helpful either. So it is not about “thinking” or “knowing” an answer at this point,,, or any point. The mind is off and running in a certain direction with this topic and it’s headed in a depressing expression emotionally. It’s hard to change that direction by thinking. It is much easier to change that emotional direction of the mind with actions. That’s why the Self Mastery course has a lot of actions to take.
It’s about how you express your self. You’ve already noticed the example of that when you are in your artists mode of expression. When you are expressing as an artist, it changes how you feel.
So do the course exercises. Money back guarantee: If you don’t get legitimate value out of it in the first 30 days,, let me know and I’ll refund your purchase. That’s not to say that there is a guarantee of results. I give a guarantee on the value. Individual results will vary with each person depending on how actively they apply the work, how well they resonate with my approach, and their desire for change. Each person’s results will vary so I can’t guarantee a timeline of results. I do guarantee the value. If it doesn’t work for you, or you don’t find value in my approach in the first thirty days, email me and I’l refund your purchase.
On a more specific note: The thoughts or questions that arise to invoke, or continue an existential depression are often like, “Does life have any meaning?” “What is life all about?” “Is this all there is?” “What is the meaning of life?” ”Why are we here?” ”Why am I here?” etc. One thing to notice with questions like these is that they aren’t really questions. They are asked in a way that hinders us looking for any answers. They hinder curiosity for an answer or deeper meaning because the questions come pre-loaded with answers.
When those questions are asked in the way they usually are, they have a certain tone, attitude, and assumption about what the answer is. The answer isn’t spoken, but is implied in the inflection of the question. And the answers that are implied in the questions,,, are not true.
Perhaps listen to my podcast on hidden assumptions for some help on this trick our ego plays on our emotional well being.
Hope that helps.
Gary
PS. Email me back after a while and let me know how it is going.
I listened to your first Self Mastery session on Gratitude and I don’t think it will help me. In it you use the trigger question to remind our selves what we are grateful for by asking, “What are you most grateful for?”
The problem that I have with that question Gary is I am not grateful for anything. I have been victimized my whole life–from childhood, all the way to now. At least, that is my perception as I see it at this moment in time. I am going through a very, very angry and bitter stage in my adult life. My sister and I are survivors of incest. I was the victim of a false rape accusation — though the truth did come out at trial and I was found not guity; but my reputation and my livelihood as of right now due to the internet where anybody can say anything about anybody with n0 repercussions has been ruined. My sanctionary Gary is nature: love of animals, hiking in the woods, and the mountains have truly been my saving grace. If this wasn’t available to me–I would have been dead long ago. Any suggestions you have for a wounded animal like myself, (and I have been victimized), would be greatly appreciated. I will pay for them if I have to, with love
R. G.
Hi R. G.
I’m confused…. I get this statement in the beginning. The problem that I have with that question Gary is I am not grateful for anything.
and later I get this …. My sanctionary Gary is nature: love of animals, hiking in the woods, and the mountains have truly been my saving grace. If this wasn’t available to me–I would have been dead long ago. Can both these statements be true?
Or maybe I read the fist line wrong. I read it as “there’s nothing I have to be grateful for.” When it’s really meant the way you wrote it. “I am not grateful for anything.” Even though you have something to be grateful for. So is there a contradiction here or did I miss something?
If I am confused here,,,, and you mean something else, then please explain.
Gary
Dear Gary,
Your right, there is a contradiction in my statement. I guess I am grateful for the sanctionary thay I have access to. Great point!
Dear R. G.
Let that be your first lesson in hunting lies,,, they are not so easy to see when in our head, but much easier to see when written down in front of you. More about that in later sessions.
And the added benefit of seeing that you are already grateful for something,,, and you know how it feels.